If you were an actor, “how do you turn off that make-believe character at the end of the day and go back to your own personality?” Could a person eventually lose themselves in the role?
As we get older, I’d like to think we develop a stronger sense of awareness and wisdom in our golden years. After decades of busy working lives, we finally have time to slow down, relax, and smell the roses. Wisdom often comes from experience, observation, mistakes, and lessons learned through the years. At this stage in life, many of us can sit back and absorb everything we have witnessed, almost like organizing photographs into categories inside our minds.
Having said that, I would also like to think that if anyone needed an honest opinion or thoughtful advice, older and more experienced people are often the best source. They have seen life from many angles. They have lived through hardships, successes, disappointments, and victories. In many cases, they have already walked the road that someone else is just beginning.
Recently, I received a phone call from a family member who sounded like she simply needed someone to talk to. This highly educated lady works in the field of helping others as a mental health counsellor, and yet, now she herself needs advice, comfort, or maybe just a shoulder to lean on.
I’ve seen this happen before. People become exhausted from carrying the emotional weight of their professions. They work so hard helping everyone else that eventually they forget to look after themselves. Sometimes, even the strongest people need to step back and breathe for a while. Unfortunately, many of us never learn that lesson until later in life. I know I didn’t. I spent most of my years too busy working to understand the importance of slowing down and filing my troubles that I can do nothing about.
In situations like hers, sometimes all a person truly needs is someone willing to listen. They need to vent the frustrations, worries, and emotional buildup that have been quietly accumulating over time. Often, that alone can help lighten the burden. Sometimes the best therapy in the world is simply an ear that genuinely wants to listen.
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But this entire conversation brought another interesting question to mind.
How does a police officer shut off their thoughts after spending ten hours witnessing crime, violence, and the darker side of humanity? How do they leave that emotional baggage behind when they walk through the front door of their home?
And secondly, how does a Hollywood actor shut off a leading role in a horror movie and return to being their normal, loving self afterward? Imagine spending months pretending to be angry, violent, terrified, or emotionally broken for a film role. That must eventually affect a person mentally and emotionally in some way.
I would think that through discipline, reality, and self-awareness, they somehow learn to place that fictional character back on the shelf where it belongs. They must learn to separate their work life from their personal life. Otherwise, parts of that darkness might slowly follow them home.
That same thought applies to many professions.
At another family gathering, we saw relatives we had not seen in years. One young family member had grown into adulthood and was now working as a healthcare counsellor. Her profession involved helping troubled people and studying human behaviour. Today, she is trained in sociology and behavioural analysis.
As we sat across from each other talking casually, I couldn’t help but feel as though she was quietly reading me between the lines of conversation. It almost felt like she was analyzing my personality, my reactions, and perhaps even my somewhat warped way of thinking. Maybe she was unconsciously studying me for future reference, mentally placing me into one of the categories she had learned about during her education and professional training.
For a moment, I found the situation slightly uncomfortable, but also fascinating.
Then something occurred to me.
The very advice I would give the first counsellor on the phone suddenly applied here too: find a way to bury your workday adventures when the workday ends.
That is probably easier said than done.
Going back to the younger counsellor at the family gathering, I genuinely felt she was evaluating me during the conversation. Not necessarily in a cruel way, but simply because that is what trained professionals naturally learn to do. Their minds are conditioned to observe behaviour, speech patterns, emotions, body language, and reactions.
To be honest, I eventually laughed it off internally and thought to myself, “Go ahead and analyze away.” At my age, my gray matter is probably an open book anyway. The skeletons in my closet were discovered years ago. There is not much left to hide.
Still, it raised an important point.
If you work in professions involving psychology, counselling, policing, or emotional trauma, how do you truly shut your work brain off? How do you stop analyzing people once the shift is over?
At a family gathering or social event, it must be difficult not to notice behaviours, tensions, personality traits, or emotional problems in the people around you. A trained mind likely notices details the average person completely misses. But while some people may not care about being observed or analyzed, others might feel uncomfortable or even judged.
Someone at a fun party may suddenly feel profiled without realizing why. That invisible wall could quietly change the atmosphere in a room.
Returning to the original counsellor from the phone call, I could hear the emotional exhaustion in her voice. She had spent so much time helping others that she herself had become overwhelmed. Sometimes giving advice where it is not appreciated can create friction, especially among family or friends. Even when your intentions are good, not everyone wants to hear solutions to their problems. Sometimes they simply want understanding.
That can be frustrating for someone trained to help.
So in the end, the question remains the same.
How does a police officer shut off ten hours of witnessing crime and human cruelty after their shift ends? How does a Hollywood actor leave behind a disturbing movie role and return home as their natural self? And how does a social worker, counsellor, or therapist spend an entire day carrying other people’s emotional burdens and still maintain peace within their own mind afterward?
The truth is, they must learn how to turn it off.
They must place those experiences into another mental drawer and close it for the evening. If they cannot separate their profession from their personal lives, eventually the emotional weight may become too heavy to carry.
And perhaps that is one of the hardest skills any human being can learn — knowing when to care deeply, and knowing when to finally let go.
Extra Note: A counsellor who helps people is most commonly called a therapist, clinical counsellor, or psychotherapist. Psychologist, Mental health counsellor.
“Written by Dave Wettlaufer, a once truck driver, a heavy equipment, truck and coach and everything in-between mechanic. Now turned an observant, opinionated Blogger.
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